


i built a wooden heart inside this iron ship

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dom/sub Undertones, M/M, also this is terribly smutty theres so much smut, bjs hjs anal oh my, im annoying bye, it just all gets zayn thinking, liam really does have a nice smile, zayn is some stupid angsty public school student with issues handling emotions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-10-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 13:51:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>zayn struggles a lot with his feelings and liam is just a stupid boy with pretty brown eyes and a really nice laugh but zayn wants <i>nothing</i> to do with him (except maybe something).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ringleader

**Author's Note:**

> okay so this has been up for a very long time because it was the first fic i'd ever written and i started to hate the way i'd written in it (it was first person and very stark and gross and weird i hated it donT SPEAK OF IT) but now i feel like im an okay writer and i rewrote the whole thing! so now im finally up to the 7th chapter and we'll begin writing new chapters for this and i'm really excited about it because i've always loved this plot a lot so yay ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ)

liam and harry became friends quickly, grew on each other even. liam was new to the school and he sat next to harry in participation in government for his second period class. harry was really cheeky and friendly and liam stuck to him like a magnet. 

after school on wednesdays, they always go back to liam's to study (but actually play video games and fuck around with the guitar). one particular wednesday, harry spoke up.

“let’s take a different way today.” 

liam followed him through a more urban and upperclass area of the town while he explained basic history of the landmarks that they past, and maybe how he heard this one girl gives blow jobs behind the building on this one street.

out of no where though, harry stopped dead and turned his head to face liam with wide eyes and an uncomfortable smirk. 

"what… are you making the face for, haz," liam chuckled.

"i forgot that the private school pricks get out of school around this time. yea?" he said, nodding off to a group of three formally dressed boys walking in their direction.

liam laughed and grew curious as they walked closer. the boy on the left had bright blonde hair and pale skin and his intense expression seemed so out of place on him.

"niall horan," harry whispered, trying to be unobvious, "he's just a follower, though. i've heard he's actually a nice kid who got into the school on full ride for marks or band or something. acts like a douche though."

the boy on the right had a brown hair disheveled atop his head and prominent cheekbones with arched eyebrows that made him seem intimidating in an odd sort of way.

"that's louis," harry stuttered, still attempting to be casual, "louis tomlinson. he's actually a real wanker if you know what i mean. he has quite an attitude…" he trailed off.

harry paused for a long moment and stared at his shoes. the three boys had stopped to talk with group of girls who were also clad in private school wear.

"oh," harry started again, "and the one in the middle. that's zayn malik. now he's got quite the reputation. he's, like, the ringleader of the whole circus and controls basically everyone in that school, even some teachers. he's probably screwed nearly every girl that attends. he's charismatic and everything, but really, i can't grasp why everyone drools over him."

but liam could. he had those dark brown eyes and long thing eyelashes matched with almost constantly furrowed eyebrows and he was so intense. stunning in every sense of the word, and everyone, even harry, knew it.

harry snickered at the way liam looked at zayn, but liam still acted like didn't see it either and they'd started walking in their direction again. he looked over to harry to laugh about how much of a catwalk they made of the sidewalk, but he had tears in his eyes with his head down and his hands tucked deeply in his front pockets. 

"w-wait, what's wrong?" liam said, exasperated.

"nothing. we should leave," harry replied shortly, turning on his heels and walking in the opposite direction of the nearing group of boys.  
liam stood there for a slight moment, dumbfounded. he turned towards harry and caught up to him quickly, even though he was walking exceptionally fast.

"where are you going, faggot!" one of them yelled, though liam hadn't been able to place who it was until he heard someone say "shut up, louis."

liam turned his head to scold them while he draped an arm over harry's shoulder. harry's eyes began to drop tears while he walked even faster and turned quickly down a side street while liam tagged behind. they found their way back to liam's house along a long and silent walk there. harry sat down on the floor of liam's room and dropped his head in his hands before he inhaled heavily and lifted his head again.

"louis and me…" harry started, "we've been mates since primary school, maybe even earlier. i'd had girlfriends throughout our whole friendship, but… i loved lou. i always loved lou. i told him before he left for redeland. i know the school is only across town from ours, but i figured that if he didn't feel the way i did i wouldn't have to face him every day. but when summer came i never saw him, and then this one time," harry's voice broke and he looked down, biting back tears, "this one time i saw him at the park with zayn and niall. and… he started shouting things about how much of a fag and how disgusting i was. and, liam, the worst part is," his voice broke again and liam wanted to console him, tell him how okay things would be, but he was speechless. "i still love him so much," harry finally fell apart, breaking into sobs and sharp breathing, while liam hurried over to wrap his arm around his shoulders and rub circles with gentle fingers in his hair.


	2. leather couch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry and liam go to a party

it had been a few nights since harry broke down on and told liam everything about louis. since then he'd been acting strange and depressed, not normal harry at all. to cheer harry up, liam convinced harry to come to a party he had heard about in school several days before. it's supposed to be a killer party and liam's secretly hoping harry will meet someone to get his mind off things.

harry walks into liam's room eyeing the address scribbled on a piece of paper he scrunched up and put in his pocket earlier.

"do i look ok?" he asks, holding his arms out and turning a bit to one side and then the other. he was wearing some band tee he's worn ninety times this month and his hairs tucked into a beanie, but harry can pull off anything.

liam snickers and nods.

they opened the ornate front doors to the house and out flooded mainstream house music that made harry wince and the overwhelming smell of weed that made liam wince for different reasons. harry stepped in first, glancing around at the crowd of people filling up the house either dancing or sitting somewhere intoxicating themselves. he disappeared into the kitchen when he saw a keg on the counter and liam took a different direction to the living room. it was a massive room with a few couches and plants tucked in the corners. he said hello to someone who puked in a planter shortly after

and then he saw zayn. he was sitting on a huge leather couch holding a bong and inhaling the smoke that swirled in the glass. his eye's were heavy and dark and his hair was disheveled. before liam could even think how good he looked, he spotted niall in the corner with a beer chatting up a group of kids. then he realized he should probably go get harry and get the hell out of her because louis is almost guaranteed present. harry was no where to be seen though, so liam dashed around asking random people if they've seen harry until he made his way up the stairs. to his disturbance, all liam could hear from the rooms was beds knocking and hushed moaning. still, he continued to the end of the hallway to see if any of the rooms weren't occupied for that reason. one particular door at the end of the hallway had no noise coming from it, and he figured it was the bathroom.

instead of a toilet and a sink, liam saw something he really wouldn't have expected. liam just so happened to have walked right into the linen closet in which louis and harry laid on the floor biting at each others skin and kissing the marks they left. they hardly noticed liam opening the door and closing just as quickly.

liam decided when he walked down the hallway that he very much so needed a drink.

he sits at a bar stool at the island in the kitchen idly sipping something from a plastic cup, minding his own. he turns his head and jumps when he sees zayn propping his head up but cocked to one side looking at him. the look on his face was childish but still intense and he glanced liam over once more before picking his head up. 

"hi," he says simply.

"hi," was all liam could say back and then he feels like a fucking idiot. but really, what else is he supposed to say?

"what's your name?" zayn asks, his gaze on liam never faltering and making liam feel queasy. 

"uh… liam," he says, wincing at himself for sounding so uncertain.

zayn smirks at liam for a second, and then rises from his seat. "i'm zayn," he says smoothly, placing his hand on liam's back and his mouth close to his ear, "and it was very nice meeting you," he whispers. it sends chills down liam's spine, but when he turns around, zayn has already disappeared in the crowd of people.

liam tries to sit still but his knee bounces up and down nervously and he downs the rest of his drink. he throws the cup in a garbage bin and runs upstairs to get harry.

liam finds harry in the same spot still with louis, just with his shirt off and that beanie hanging somehow from one of the top shelves. he keeps his gaze on the ceiling while he tells harry that he is leaving and that he will come back to get him whenever he wants to go home, then shuts the door quickly and runs down the stairs.

when liam gets into the foyer, he finds his jacket among a pile of several others and begins to slide it on when he looks up and zayn is standing all the way across the living room yet staring directly at him. liam looks down when he doesn't break eye contact and zips the coat up just to look up again to see zayn staring the same way. he walks out the door, pulling it shut behind him and shoving his hands in his pockets. it's numbingly cold outside and early in the morning, the sky the kind of dark purple that gives everything a little light. he's halfway down the long driveway when he hears footsteps behind him that are walking at a slightly faster pace than his own. he turns to see zayn again, who turns his body in his direction.

"you're walking?" zayn laughs. "it's fucking freezing outside."

"well, i didn't bring my car so what else am i supposed to do," liam says, less of a question and more snarky than he intended.

"i'll give you a lift, i was going to leave anyway. come on," zayn says, walking past liam and just brushing shoulders. he walks to one of the cars parked on the side of the road and liam turns hesitantly to follow him.

he justifies it to himself with "well, it _is_ cold out."


	3. coffee shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry and liam go for coffee

his car smelled distinctly of weed but mostly the cologne covering up. he drove with the music almost blaring through the speakers; frank ocean and the weeknd, and some music liam didn't recognize.

liam would look over to catch zayn looking at him from the corner of his eye, but his tendency to not look away when caught made liam feel like he was the weird one, and he'd get uncomfortable and look away. he mostly kept his gaze on the tips of his shoes.

"so where did you move here from?" zayn asked after reaching over and turning the volume down low.

liam explained to him how he moved from out of state and he seemed to be listening intently except to interrupt to ask which way to go.

"did you have a girlfriend back home?" zayn asked after liam finished.

"not really. nothing serious, anyway."

"hm."

liam's phone started to ring from one of his pockets and he felt around for it. he answered quickly, "hello?"

"leeeeeeeeeeeee-yummmmmmm," harry sang into the phone, evidently drunk.

liam sighed and shook his head, "what, harry."

"i need a ride home!" he slurred into the phone, "i started walking but i got lost and now i don't know where i'm going."

"i don't know what i can do for you," liam said, looking over at zayn who had already stopped the car and was turning around. "um, actually, harry, just stay where you are. i'll be there in a little."

"ok, liam, thank you! you're my bestest mate, man, you know that? i love you."

liam laughed and hung up the phone, then looked over at zayn who had a smirk on his face.

"sorry about him. thank you though," liam said gratefully, not expecting zayn to be the kind to give favors after what harry had said of him.

"it's no problem, he sounds pretty hammered. shouldn't be walking."

"yeah," liam laughed, "he is."

"so what's the deal with you and him?" zayn said after a moment, accusation poorly masked from his tone.

liam raised his eyebrows and looked shocked. "what is that supposed to mean?"

"what's the deal with you and him," zayn repeated as if it were more clear a second time.

"uhh," liam stumbled over his words, running zayn's through his head again. "we're good friends," he decided was an appropriate answer. then added, "what else would the "deal" be?"

"well harry's said to be gay, and you're hanging around with him a lot, don't you think people will question you?"

"well, yeah, i guess. but it's not like that with him and i. he's with someone else anyway."

"but what if he wasn't. would you want to be with him?"

"i… no. no, i wouldn't. what's got you so interested?" liam said, and decided immediately he wasn't handling this appropriately. he snapped and said "why the fuck is it any of your business?" and felt odd about it afterwards. he wasn't lying though, harry was nothing more than a brother to him, but the way zayn had the condescending accusation shit wasn't doing any good for liam's confidence.

"whatever you say," zayn snickered.

"sorry," liam said soon after. there was a pause and he said, "for snapping at you. it's just strange because i don't even know you and you're just calling me out for something you have no business in to begin with. it's sort of uncomfortable, isn't it? sorry."

zayn just laughed and it was quiet until they say harry sitting (squatting?) on the side of the road and he hadn't made it very far from the party. zayn pulled over and liam got out to open the door.

"hi, liam," harry chimed tiredly with a weary smile while he stumbled into the backseat and flopped down, long limbs sprawling across all three seats and some of the floor.

liam shut the door behind him and sat back in the passenger's seat. he turned to look at harry who seemed to be drifting off. zayn got to driving again and liam finally found something worth saying in retaliation to the conversation earlier.

"so what's the deal with you and louis," he said matter-of-factly, only feeling a teeny bit stupid for being a bit late.

"what," zayn laughed in a way that made liam feel like an idiot.

"well people say that louis is gay, and if you're hanging around with him you gotta expect people to question you."

"louis? gay? hah. louis is not gay."

"yes he is," harry sing-songed from the backseat. "and liam, you know louis is with me. silly."

zayn shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"well so what if he is," he said smoothly, "that doesn't say shit about me."

"exactly," and almost then liam felt bad for redeeming himself because the rest of the car ride was silent and zayn's tension was contagious, but it was still worth the look on his face.

"alright, leeeeeeeyummmmm," zayn sang, mocking harry while he pulled over in front of liam's house.

"thanks for the ride and thank you for putting up with my belligerent friend," liam laughed, nodding to harry who was passed out and possibly drooling on his backseat.

"anytime."

liam flashed him a smile and hopped out of the car, pulling harry out and slinging his arm over his shoulders. i heard zayn drive away a bit before i reached my front door.

~

"what the hell are you smiling about," harry spat, looking up at me from the floor with squinted eyes. "stop being in a good mood when i'm not in a good mood."

liam had just woken up and was over at his dresser throwing clothes on.

"good dream, dunno," he said with a stupid smile plastered cheek to cheek.

"well it's pissing me off. close the blinds," harry said (demanded), rolling under the blankets again.

"i'm telling you, harry, you're a teacup of sunshine when you're hungover. check your phone, maybe that'll cheer you up," liam said, tossing harry's phone next to him.

it landed next to his head and he groaned, but picked it up and read the message.

**m glad i saw you last night.. miss you already ! call me.. lou xx**

harry bursted out of the blankets and to his feet, dialing louis' number and running in the direction of the bathroom.

he came back 20 minutes later with wet hair and a seemingly better attitude.

"took some painkillers," he says to liam, "hope you don't mind." he walks over to his bag in the corner, rummaging through it and picking out some clothes to put on and his signature hangover beanie.

"'m meeting up with louis. he asked me to have coffee with him!"

"that's great. i'm happy for you," liam replied idly, laying on his bed and scrolling through his phone.

"you fancy zayn, don't you," harry says after a little.

"what?! no. he's all pissy and intense. not my thing," liam tries to sound convincing but it sounds more pathetic than he intended.

"ha! i know you too well, you're lying right though your teeth. but alright! i guess i won't tell louis to have zayn go to the coffee shop and have you conveniently tag along…" he teases, walking out liam's door.

liam sighs and tags along, putting some shoes on and following harry out of the house.

~

"why did i even have to come anyway, lou," zayn says through his teeth. it was cold as all hell outside and zayn was not in the mood for a walk.

"because i don't want to walk alone!" louis says, and he would be convincing if zayn didn't know him that well.

"so… you had to walk into my room at 9 in the morning and drag me from my bed because you are a 17-year-old who doesn't want to walk down a practically suburban road by yourself. okay."

"oh well," louis says with a smile.

"isn't this the kid you were calling a faggot a few weeks ago? no judgement, it's just kind of mixed signals, you know? it's enough to take in the fact that your gay, right, but you're also gay with a kid i thought you hated."

"look, it's surprise enough that you're still my friend even though you know now, so i'm not going to ruin it with any details."

"fair enough. for the record, i would be friends with you either way."

"yeah, yeah, you love me," louis boasts, a smug expression taking place of the stupid smile.

they approached the corner with the coffee shop and louis opened the door with a little jingle. he stood in the entrance of the bustling ship for a bit before spotting harry and running over to him. zayn figures he could use a coffee after the "little" amount of sleep he got so he trailed after him (even though he slept 10 hours and he's only satisfied if he gets the maximum 12) (his record is 19 hours). zayn had his eyes on the menu while he walked over to louis' booth. harry reached up and they shook hands, but it was awkwardly more formal than either of them were used to, so they laughed afterwards and introduced themselves properly. zayn noted the differences between drunk harry and sober harry, then he looked over.

that's when he spotted the brown-eyed little shit looking so innocently at the table. zayn bore his eyes into him hoping to spark a reaction but he wouldn't even look up. zayn grew frustrated and walked over to the end of the line and ordered the usual (iced no whip caramel macchiato for here).

he arrived back at the table a few minutes later and scooted in to the booth next to liam who looked _very_ uncomfortable twiddling his thumbs in his lap while harry and louis rubbed noses and giggled opposite him. zayn threw down his coffee and eyed the boy until he looked back.

"hi," zayn says, taking a sip from the steaming cup.

"hello," liam replies quietly, still keeping his gaze to the table.

"wanna go to a different table?" zayn says, eyeing the idiots that sat in front of them obviously oblivious to the public surrounding them.

zayn sees a slight nod from liam and gets up, walking to one of the tables nearest the windows with the extra tall seats. as he makes his way over there, he examines himself.

"fuck," zayn mutters, too quiet to be heard. but _god fucking dammit_ , why does he have to look like a wanker with sweats and a jumper and possibly messy hair that he's going to avoid the reflection of until he can pretend that it got messed up magically while he walked through his doorway and finally sees how god _awful_ it looks. 

liam follows him through a crowd of bustling people and feels really unfortunate for having to dress nicely to look half decent, when zayn's waltzing about in trackies and a pullover and he looks good… really, _really_ good. his hairs perfectly messy too, sticking out in the right places and grazing just above his eyes and he could have passed for actually styled it if it weren't for the attire. even then.

zayn sits down on the chair and liam sits opposite soon after. zayn takes another sip from his coffee and sets it down, noticing liam's eyes following it.

"y' wanting something?" zayn asks.

"oh, no, i'm good, thank you," and zayn really hates him for how polite he is.

zayn flicks his cup in his direction, letting it slide across the glass in front of him. liam picks it up and takes a sip, setting it down and passing it back to the middle of the table. zayn decides just then that either liam has to say something rude or he has to stop that fucking twinkle in his eye because it's all too adorable and zayn doesn't do adorable. really, he doesn't.

"thank you again for last night," liam says, tracing lazy shapes with his fingers on the glass of the table.

"anytime, really. here," zayn grabs his phone and types his number in, sets it down in front of liam with his contact open.

liam smiles down at it (tries not too, though), then clears his throat and shoves his phone in his pocket.

"we should chill sometimes," zayn says, "i have a feeling i'm not going to be seeing much of louis anymore. same with you to harry," he nods to them.

"uh… yeah, we should," liam says, and he doesn't realize how obvious it is that he's trying not to smile. zayn figures it's just because he's a friendly guy and he's merely excitable, it's _not_ the fact that zayn just put his number in his phone. but still, zayn feels dirty, like he's already depriving liam of some innocence that he has or something, but really it's not like that. it's really not.

yeah, it is.

"well, have you got plans tonight? you could come over and watch the football match with me. louis was supposed to but, uh, he's got plans with harry," zayn suggests (tries to sound casual; succeeds, because he has a natural aptitude for camouflaging feelings but that sounds deeper than it is).

"yeah. yeah, of course. i never really got into football though so you're going to have to teach me the ropes."

"you… what? where the fuck did you come from anyway?" zayn shakes his head.

liam just laughs and his eyes wrinkle up on the sides and zayn goes a little breathless (he tells himself he doesn't though).


	4. football

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liam learns the ways of football and other things

liam texts zayn and zayn tells him to head over around 5 with his address on the next line. liam drives his car over and parks in the otherwise empty driveway. he walks up to the door telling himself not to be nervous because this is purely platonic (but zayn is really pretty) and he doesn't have any other feelings for him (except butterflies). this soothed him for a moment until he realizes he's lying and he laughs nervously at himself before knocking on the door.

zayn opens the door just moments after and his jaw drops and a smile pushes at the corners of his mouth. liam's sure he goes beat red.

"you're fucking kidding me, right? are you doing this to mess with me?" zayn marvels, and liam goes redder.

"i… i'm not sure," liam looks down at himself and inspects himself. black trackies and a green sweatshirt is really harmless, isn't it? did he get crumbs on his pants and not brush them off?

"you're wearing the teams colors, liam. the team i _don't_ like," zayn snickers.

liam just gives a disconcerted shrug and zayn laughs and invites him in.

zayn slumps down on his couch and liam sits opposite him. zayn sits up and lifts a compartment from his ottoman, drawing from it a blunt and a lighter, slumping back down again. he takes the lighter to the end and lazily inhales.

"don't you have parents?" liam asks, but really zayn doesn't seem like the type to care anyway and he's just saying it for sake of conversation.

zayn finishes inhaling and sets his head back on the couch before he lets all the smoke go in a swirl of gray and billowy white.

"dad works in a different city, only comes home every few weekends. mom spends all the time apart from those weekends at her boyfriend's. no siblings."

"hm," is all liam can think to say.

"what about you? what's your family like?" zayn asks, looking over at liam with heavy eyes.

"my parents are close but my dad works a ton. i have an older sister at uni. i've got a dog too. nothing interesting, i guess."

"hm," zayn echoes, clearly not having much to say either.

"oh, the games on," zayn says, reaching to the table to grab the remote.

the announcers come to the screen and begin explaining the match in over-expressive movements and facial expressions.

"pricks," zayn mutters, "i fucking hate these two. most annoying announcers and apart from that they have no idea what they're talking about. don't even listen to them."

"ok, so," zayn starts short after, and liam really doesn't get the rest. it's a slur of words that zayn neglects to define or specify and liam's pretending to understand anyway.

liam nods but really he can't give two shits about the football game when zayn is leaning in so close that he can smell the cologne and maybe even feel his warmth. he's propped up on his elbow and doesn't move from this spot for the entirety of the game; it's quite distracting if liam has to put a name to it.

it's late when the game ends.

"'m hungry," zayn announces, getting up and wandering into his kitchen. he doesn't come back after a little while so liam follows him in to find him standing still staring at an open freezer.

"find anything?" and liam realizes he's been trying to poke fun at zayn all night but it just comes out like genuine concern.

"not yet. i don't know what i feel like making. what do you want?" zayn says, turning around to look at liam.

"macaroni and cheese," liam slips, and zayn darts over to a set of cabinets that he opens and pulls two boxes from. he grabs a pan and starts the stove, then motions to barstool seated at an island. liam takes a seat.

"drink?" zayn asks, walking over to the fridge and pulling out a soda for himself.

"water, please."

something kicks in zayn like he's just remembered, because he has, but why is it so endearing when liam is sickeningly polite like that and why does it worsen the heat in zayn's stomach. god, sometimes he wants to kick liam right in the face (though that would be a shame because it is a cute face). zayn wants to punch himself.

zayn sets a glass in front of liam and prepares steaming mac and cheese faster than liam can even blink and sets a bowl in front of him as well. he sits down next to him and practically inhales the entire bowl before getting another serving. liam can hardly eat over how hard he's laughing because zayn's eating - no, devouring - his food and he's the only human being who can look so naturally attractive slouched over a bowl of artificial cheese and pasta and it's all just really funny to liam.

zayn's laughing so hard he's almost spitting bits of food, and liam, if asked, really couldn't explain why it was so funny, but that it may have just been in the moment. the laughs faded into occasional chuckles and then silence while zayn dug pasta from the bottom of the pot. liam rinsed his dish in the sink and set it in the dishwasher, followed by zayn who did the same.

liam follows him out of the kitchen and past the living room. zayn starts heading up a set of stairs and liam follows slowly after him down the end of the hallway and through an obscure door. when liam walks in, he sees zayn laid out with his eyes shut on a mattress and box spring tucked in the corner of his room. zayn has a desk with a laptop on sleep mode and stacks of art books on and around it and a dresser that has clothes spilling out and a closet filled with shoes and smoke pieces. it's messy in a very put together way and is exactly how liam pictured it, except nicer somehow. liam stands there though, unsure of whether it might be too forward to sit on that mattress next to zayn's tired body. he takes up most of the full size bed and his desk doesn't have a chair. zayn opens his eyes after some time and pulls his fingers into a lazy "come-here" type gesture and moves closer to the wall side of the bed.

liam's heartbeat thumps in his ears while he walks over and lays stiffly next to zayn. he twiddles his thumbs mid way down his chest and stairs at the ceiling, carefully minding in his peripheral to keep a comfortable and friendly amount of distance between him and zayn. zayn however, has other ideas. he grabs liam's arm that's farthest away and pulls him over so they lay parallel and facing one another. liam goes wide-eyed and breathless and catches .01 seconds of a smirk from zayn before he's pulled over on top of him and they're lips are pressed hard together. zayn's rough and messy about it, and he pulls hard on the small of liam's back to press their bodies close together. liam barely has anytime to process it before he's got his fingers tangled in dark hair and his lips serving equal pressure to zayn's. 

zayn rolls liam over onto his back and lays over him, using an idle hand to wrap liam's legs around his waist and grind his hips down until liam's pressed deep into the mattress. liam grabs ahold of his better judgement through zayn's cologne and soft lips and pushes zayn off of himself. he sits up, deciding zayn is too stoned and would never, ever kiss him sober. 

"don't pretend you don't want me, brown eyes," zayn smirks, leaning in and ghosting his lips across liam's jaw. he lowers a bit and sucks a mark into liam's neck and sits back satisfactorily when liam's breath fans against his own. 

zayn presses their foreheads together and looks at liam through heavy eyelids. 

"you do want me, yeah?"

"yea," liam says, and it's just a gasp, like he's breathless and waiting for zayn to touch him again. zayn plans to give him want he wants.

zayn shoves his hand past the band on liam's sweatpants and palms him through the thin cotton of his boxers that's now warm and damp from precum. liam kisses him with all of the attentiveness he has left, but most his mind is on zayn's fingers trailing around nearly against his skin. he gasps when zayn's warm hand slides in his boxers and pulls his dick through, whimpers into a kiss when zayn gently twists his hand over the head. liam's mind is fogged and he's nervous because he's never been with a guy, and it feels like the first time he's ever been touched at all. zayn finds a steady and slow rhythm with which he slides his fingers in a lazy circle over the top half of liam's dick that makes liam's lips form an 'o'. liam goes breathless and throws his head back against the wall, short little breaths barely audible but just enough for zayn too know he's doing it perfectly. zayn quickens the pace and liam's back arches forward, his eyes squeezing shut and every exhale of his breath sounding more like a moan than the last. zayn buries his face in liam's neck and plants small kisses against the warm skin and brings his pace up just enough to wear liam's come undone beneath him, a long whimper and then a moan and streaks of cum are all over zayn's hand and liam's boxers. liam collapses and sink down under the covers again while zayn pulls his hand from his pants. liam finally opens his eyes to see zayn smirking with heavy hooded eyes and then theres, momentarily, a very real smile and liam can't help but smile back. 

liam looks down to see he's gotten it all across zayn's blanket.

"shit, i'm so sorry!" liam says, sitting up to find something to wipe it with.

"it's alright, it's alright," zayn snickers tiredly but kindly while he gets up and pulls a towel from a hamper. he drops back into bed and cleans liam off then the blanket.

he throws the towel on the floor next to the bed and pulls liam close to him.

"my turn," he smiles, eliciting a wide grin from liam.


	5. empty driveway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liam helps zayn with math homework

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow serious apologies for the weird formatting ill fix it eventually

liam wakes up facing a empty side of zayn's bed that's made and cold, suggesting zayn must've woken up a while ago. liam props up on his elbows to find a note laying on his pillow. 

 

"at work. help yourself to breakfast or a shower if you need it and im sure you can find your way out. zayn"

 

liam feels he's overstayed too much already though, and walks downstairs, slips his sneakers on and goes home. 

 

on monday, harry doesn't turn up at school, so liam walks home alone. he walks the way they did when they saw zayn and louis for the first time, and as he expected, sees zayn and niall talking to a few girls. suddenly, liam loses all eagerness to see him and instead feels a lump form low in his throat and begins to inwardly panic, however his feet keep carrying him forward. before liam gets the chance to turn around, zayn makes eye contact with liam and zayn's expression goes to something strange. liam looks down at the ground in front of him and mentally drags himself to walk past him. niall continues to talk to the girls, so they don't notice zayn's gaze is fixed on liam, hard and cold like they've never spoken before. he feels zayn's eyes follow him the entire walk past and as he walks away. liam keeps walking, breathing a sigh of relief when he feels as though zayn's gaze has left the back of his head. his heart stops and perhaps so do his feet when he hears his name said a few steps behind him. 

 

"hi, liam," zayn says in a smooth voice.

 

"hey," is all liam can bring himself to say. zayn's vibe is so cold it gives liam a different kind of shivers.

 

"why'd you walk this way home?" zayn asks accusingly, staring at liam who's eyes are looking everywhere but his direction.

 

"felt like taking the long way home," liam says softly, kicking at a rock beneath his feet.

 

"no, you wanted to see me. didn't you?"

 

liam doesn't have anything to say.

 

"what happened the other night was nothing. we are nothing but friends, liam, and have no feelings for each other. you understand that, don't you?"

 

liam nods quickly, and turns to walk away before tears slips out over his rose colored cheeks.

 

~

 

liam is writing a paper for english literature when he gets a text from zayn

 

**u good at math?**

****

**yeah why?**

****

****

**come over…got a big test tmrw and dont know whats going on**

 

so liam throws down his pencil and slings his backpack over his shoulder and rushes out the door. he shoves monday's conversation out of his mind and hopes to god it was a joke and that he misunderstood. he hops into his car and then sits for a minute.

 

_he just needs help with his math. don't get excited. don't get excited, liam. you are friend and nothing else._

 

￼  
he turns the key in his ignition and heads over. 

 

"let yourself in next time," zayn says after opening the door for liam with a bowl of cereal in hand.

 

zayn sits down on the couch and liam sits next to him (however a safe distance away) and eyes the mess of papers across zayn's coffee table. 

 

"okay," liam starts, "show me what your having trouble with."

 

"those," zayn points at a packet with trigonometry problems.

 

coincidentally, liam is the best at trig in his class and easily explains it to zayn, and zayn seems to understand though he was mostly preoccupied with his cereal and tv. 

 

"alright," liam says, standing up and stretching. "there ya go. good luck on your test." he picks his backpack up and pulls it over his shoulder while zayn stands up in front of him and meets his eyes. 

 

zayn stares for a bit before his attention drops the liam's strap on his shoulder. he thumbs at the fabric with a lazy hand before pulling it off liam's shoulder and letting it fall to the ground with a thud. zayn grabs liam's back with both hands and pulls him close but just far enough so that they barely touch foreheads. zayn's breath brushes against liam's lips and zayn starts to lean in, gently tilting his head and letting their lips barely touch before he pulls away and walks out of the room. liam's in a daze while he listens to zayn's footsteps up the stairs.

 

soon liam trails up behind him and wanders into his room to find him waiting on the other side of the door. zayn grabs liam's shoulders and slams him against the wall, crashing their lips together and liam sees fireworks beneath his eyelids. zayn bites at his bottom lip and runs his cold fingers up liam's shirt, raising his skin into goosebumps and making him gasp. zayn pulls up the hem of liam's shirt until it's somewhere on the ground and leaves minimal time for their lips to be apart while removing it. he does the same with his own, then pulls liam over to his bed and slams him down. he tugs at the band of liam's pants while he kissed him achingly slow and glided his hand along his chest. zayn pulls his pants down and his own quickly after, then lifted the blankets up and tucked liam under them. he got up, baring all of his toned and olive body before snatching something from his dresser drawer that liam couldn't quite make out until he recognizes a small blue bottle filled with liquid.

 

"woah, woah," liam quickly realizes, "i don't know if-" but he stops because he feels stupid for thinking they would get naked and do anything else. 

 

zayn falls down onto the bed next to him and gets close to liam's face, cupping his cheeks between two hands and staring into his eyes with concern.

 

"do you trust me?" zayn asks.

 

liam stares wide eyed for a moment before nodding anxiously

 

zayn rolls him onto his back and pulls off his boxers, and wrapped liam's legs around his waist. liam is tense and unsteady and swallows hard. zayn coats a finger in lube and carefully slides it into him, cooing at the pain-elicited moan that comes from his throat while his eyes squeeze shut. zayn slowly slides it in and out, promising in whispers that it will feel good if liam relaxes. liam tries, he really does.

 

"more," liam breathes after a bit, but gasps the same way when zayn slips in a second finger and then a third, silencing liam with his lips and comforting him with gentle nods and small kisses all over his face. zayn watches liam's fingers as they stop trembling, and instead hover over his stomach. 

 

liam looks up at zayn through long eyelashes like a silent agreement that he's ready to take it, yet zayn still feels liam's nervousness. zayn still coats himself with lube and looks to liam's brown eyes for permission. 

 

liam nods quickly, giving zayn a nervous yet real smile, and zayn pushes into him, resting his forehead on liam's chest. zayn feels liam tighten around him and it takes his breath away, but he keeps thrusting slow and gentle.

 

"fucking… hell…." liam mutters between heavy breaths, and zayn finds it hard to distinguish whether it was out of pleasure or pain. zayn decides it must be a combination of both when he looks up at his face, and liam grips at zayn's back with tense fingers.

 

zayn can't help but smile when he starts to draw tiny whimpers and then breathy moans and then low ones that are drawn out and longing. his grip on zayn's back turns into scratches across his shoulder blades and zayn returns the favor with a grasp on his hip that would leave dark bruises. zayn's pounding into him and doing everything not to let his head roll back and cum before liam.

 

zayn bites down on his lip and pushes into liam slow and hard, liam practically grunting with every thrust, zayn's forehead pressed against his chest and fingers clutching his hip. he decides he must have hit a nerve when liam's back arches up without warning, and would tighten every time he made the same motion. he holds himself up over liam and watches him writhe and struggle to cope with the pleasure that's ripping through his veins. liam's brown eyes lull back, he draws in a heavy breath, and his muscles tighten around zayn and they lose themselves.

 

liam collapses, exhausted after the last wave of pleasure surges through his body and zayn rolls off and lands next to him. liam looks over at him, his eyelids looking heavy.

 

"wow," liam says lightly and breathlessly, staring at the ceiling.

 

but before he can even expect a reply, zayn is off the bed and picking up his sweatpants. liam watches him as he slides them on and rummages through his dresser to find a shirt, sliding it over his arms and down his chest. zayn walks over to where liam's clothes are laying and picks them up, then walks over to the side of the bed. liam watches him with worried eyes, hoping zayn won't do what he's anticipating.

 

but he does. he holds liam's clothes in his hand, arm extended towards liam and looking at him expectantly. zayn isn't planning on letting him stay.

 

liam looks up at him, his brown eyes laced with pain and embarrassment that he doesn't make an effort to hide. zayn holds his arm out until liam weakly gathers his clothes from his hands and sits up on the bed. zayn walks over to his dresser and pretends to thumb through his phone to avoid the uncomfortable situation he has just created. liam slides his t-shirt over his suddenly very delicate looking frame, and pulls his sweatpants on sadly and dejectedly. his eyes redden and swell with tears and zayn turns away, pretending he doesn't see, though he feels the guilt like a punch in the gut. _too late now_ , he thinks.

 

liam walks out the door and steps quietly and gradually down the stairs, shuts the front door with little noise and pulls out of the driveway and then it's quiet.


	6. need someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liam isn't very convincing however much he tries. zayn has a way with words.

"no, harry!"

 

"whyyyyyy, li!" harry whines, "i really want to see louis!"

 

"it's a long story and i'll explain later, it's just that i'm not going to walk that way again."

 

"did something happen, liam?"

 

"yeah. but it doesn't matter anymore, and i'm going to walk the normal way whether you're coming or not."

 

"i'll only come if you promise to tell me what happened."

 

"no."

 

"then i'm not moving from this spot!" harry pouts stubbornly.

 

"okay, bye!" liam says sarcastically before turning on his heels and beginning his walk in the other direction.

 

"wait! come on liam, we're best mates," harry says, chasing after liam and grabbing a hold of his arm.

 

"fine," liam agrees and motions to the bench that sits in front of the nearby park.

 

they sit down and liam takes a bit to explain what happened between him and zayn, refraining from too much detail. he keeps it vague out of that fear he might start to get upset again. he's been trying to convince himself that it isn't affecting him, though if he's honest, it very much is.

 

"i'm real sorry, li," harry says with really empathy, a hand squeezing liam's shoulder.

 

"it's fine. why don't we go see louis? i'll be okay" liam says, standing up and pulling his back over both shoulders and walking with harry down the long way. he braces himself and tries to build walls around his mind while harry talks about something in the background.

 

they approach the intersection with the coffee shop where louis and his group loiter after school and liam sees zayn but pretends he doesn't. it suddenly crosses his mind, however, that it may bother zayn more if he returns his glare, so he raises his head high and sets his eyes on zayn and his jaw clenches while he continues to walk.

 

"harry!" louis squeals, cutting zayn off mid sentence of something about the football game and hurries over to harry with open arms.

 

they envelope each other in a mess of arms and even legs and behind them is liam, sending zayn something to match his own stare and it catches him by surprise. it bothers zayn how liam doesn't even flinch or look away when zayn meets his eyes.

 

"alright, me and lou are gonna go grab some coffee if you'd like to come," harry says with a grin, turning to liam.

 

"oh, no thanks, you guys have fun. talk to you later, mate," liam says monotonously.

 

harry sends him a wave and liam continues to walk in zayn's direction. they meet eyes again when liam's closer and he keeps his gaze until he's nearly looking over his shoulder. he shakes his head and his face twists into something remotely like disgust, yet he keeps walking. he hates zayn for what he did. he also feels he's made his point.

~  
liam is proud of himself for doing what he did and he feels liberated in every way except for the fact that he's still hurt. this worsens when he gets yet another text.

 

**come over , we need to talk**

in his head he's thinking _fuckfuckfuck_ because he knows what happens now, and he can't bring himself to put the phone down.

****

**come over here…. parents are out.**

****

and that's all liam says, hoping afterwards that zayn changes his mind and promises himself to never walk that way again. zayn has an almost palpable hold over liam and he can't seem to explain why it's so unyielding.

but of course zayn remembers liam's address and of course he pulls in the driveway and of course he pulls up and knocks on the door and waits with his hands tucked in a denim jacket.

"hi," liam says flatly, standing with his body between the door and the frame.

"can i come in?" zayn says, as though he's confused why liam isn't welcoming him with open arms.

liam sighs and pulls the door open and backs away from the doorway. he walks in and kicks his boots off, hangs his jacket in the closet and turns to liam. liam walks past him to the living room and up two flights of stairs that lead to his bedroom, waiting at the door and closing it behind zayn when he wanders in.

"cool place," zayn says, looking around.

"thanks."

liam is proud of himself for being short with zayn.

"mind if i sit?"

"no."

zayn plops down on liam's bed and lays down with his hands tucked under his head. liam quietly sits on the floor, maintaining a much larger distance than before.

zayn looks at him for a moment with a confused look on his face.

"well get up here," zayn pats the bed.

liam drags himself up and over, sitting on the edge and looking at his twiddling thumbs.  
￼  
"you look like a sad puppy," zayn teases, and liam can feel zayn staring at him. but with something more of adoration than the strange stares he usually receives.

liam doesn't say anything, so zayn leans up and pulls him up on the bed next to himself, then pulls liam's head into his chest and rubs circles into his back. zayn's warm and liam can feel his heartbeat against his forehead. it would've put him to sleep if his own heart wasn't beating so fast.

after 10 minutes or a half an hour or 3 hours or however long liam lays up curled next to him, zayn asks if he's ready to talk.

liam sits up and nods, and zayn sits up too.

"so about the other night," zayn starts, "i'd like to apologize. i shouldn't have done that."

a smile creeps up on liam and he's beaming at zayn. "i forgive you," he smiles.

zayn thinks for a second that liam's smiles are contagious.

"i just thought you knew that i wasn't looking for anything serious," zayn says shortly after.

liam's smile, with that, disappears and he tries not to look at zayn with the same pain in his eyes as the other night.

"so… you thought i would be alright with casually just giving you my virginity? are you a fucking idiot?" liam says, and his voice is shaken and he's frustrated with how unconvincing he sounds and how weak he sounds instead.

"i dunno. you seemed to be pretty okay with giving it to me even if we had only known each other for a week."

"cause i liked you zayn!" liam shouts, surprising himself, "and because you're a manipulative prick who always gets what he wants and has no objection to destroying other peoples feelings in the process! you know you have a way with words zayn and you got what you wanted from me so why are you sitting here? and what the fuck was that?" liam cries out, pointing to the warm pillows and wrinkled sheets wear they laid just minutes ago. zayn feels the anger and the pain coming from liam and for a moment actually feels unbearable guilt, but shrugs it off.

"all i wanted liam, if you want me to be honest with you, is someone to call for a fuck. if you don't want it to be you, i can find someone else," and these words tear liam apart.

the anger drains from his face as well as the flush and then tears fall down his cheeks.

"no," he whispers, "don't want it to be anyone else."

"good," zayn says, satisfied. he wipes away liam's tears with his thumb.

they lay back down, side by side and liam realizes he's going to have to feed off of the physical affection however difficult. because when zayn leaves he won't say "i love you" and he won't think about liam before he goes to sleep and when he wakes up. liam pretends anyway. zayn rolls on top of liam who's sadness is still poorly hidden and gently bites at his neck. he has liam swooning for a moment before he realizes where zayn wants to take it. he pushes he hands gently on zayn's chest. 

"come on, brown eyes," zayn says with a fake pout. liam can't hold back a smile and he melts.


	7. lessons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> karma gives zayn a smack in the face and zayn smacks around a few other people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay finally done rewriting all those dang chapters so now i can write new material! [screams while pounding chest]

after that night, liam and zayn have spent practically every night together. 

if liam is honest with himself, he's really losing it though. he's not sure that zayn knows how much harder liam falls for him every time zayn runs his fingers down his side and presses his lips to his forehead that stupid way he does. he's not sure that zayn realizes how badly it hurts when zayn expects him to get up and leave every time they're done.

it's strange to liam, and he's now in a constant state of confusion lately. he's "brown eyes" and he's also a number for zayn to call when he wants to blow a load. he's content with this though, or forces himself to be, because he doesn't want to lose zayn.

harry and louis have been getting on well, and harry officially asked louis to be his boyfriend and louis officially said yes because they're both big on old school customs and they probably call it "courting" when they aren't around their friends. however the rule about no sex before marriage is the only one that's been thrown out the window. harry holds the door open for louis, pulls his chair out for him, and above all, fucks him like an absolute princess. liam is remarkably jealous.

not of louis though, no, he's jealous that zayn doesn't treat him that way. sometimes he feels like he's too hopeful.

"people have been really weird towards me lately," harry says, eyeing a group of guys walking past him and liam in the hallway who were mumbling things to each other and chuckling. 

liam closes up his locker and starts walking towards the cafeteria with harry.

"do you think people found out about you and louis? i know he's not keeping a secret. i guess he told zayn and niall about you guys."

"oh, about him," harry says, trying to be cautious, "what's going on with you guys?"

"nothing. we just hang out every once in a while is all," liam lies.

"nothing… involving a relationship? no fucking? because louis said something about-"

liam cuts him off. "no, nothing like that anymore."

"well, okay," harry says sarcastically

they approach the lunch line but harry mumbles something about the line being too long and wanders off towards the vending machine.

liam moves up to fill his spot in line, moving up behind the group of guys they saw in the hallway earlier. one of them turns around and looks at liam condescendingly and looks to one of his friends. one of them snickers and whispers something to his friend. liam gets incredibly anxious and shifts around on his feet, trying not to notice. one of them speaks up

"so… you're hanging around with the faggots now, huh, payne? i expected it from that kid styles, but you? i guess you never know who's coming out of the closet next," they all laugh in unison.

it really wasn't even that good of a joke compared to their matching varsity jackets, which are tacky as hell. liam keeps quiet.

"don't have anything to say for yourself, hmm? well i'm willing to beat your ass, just not in the way that you'd like. i'll let you off this time. but i don't exactly agree with your lifestyle choices so if you come near me again i will be more than happy to do so. faggot," the kid spits out, turning around with his friends who all laugh and pat him on the back.  
~  
liam lets himself into zayn's house to find him sitting on the couch. zayn smirks at him then gets up and paces up the stairs. liam finds him in his room shoving some binders into his book bag over his desk, so he makes his way over to zayn's bed and gets under the covers and closes his eyes.

liam feels the weight of one hand and then another on either side of him and then zayn lowers his head over his and lays a kiss over his lips. zayn climbs under the cover next to liam.

"so how was your day," zayn says, sounding unamused. but the fact that he asked in itself is rewarding.

"good," liam says, and then he really thinks about it, "no. no, actually it was awful," he half laughs and half sighs, surprised that zayn even took the time to ask him.

"why?" zayn prods further, suddenly showing actually concern but he tries his best to tone it down as to maintain an even composure.

liam suddenly wishes he didn't ask because he knows he'll sound upset while talking about it, enough to make him feel vulnerable and stupid. normally liam doesn't care what people say because it's usually a lie or a rumor or plain fucking dumb. but this time, he's not sure why it bothers him.

"these kids from the football team are giving me shit because harry came out, so they're assuming that i'm gay too because i'm always with him. which they're right but they they shouldn't be bothering with it. there are so many other plausible things-"

"giving you shit…" zayn interrupts, "like how? what do they say?"

"one guy said "i don't agree with your lifestyle choices so if i see you again i'm gonna beat your ass" and they all laughed and it was really uncomfortable.

"what's this kids name?" and zayn's happy he's concealing all the anger that's warming deep in his core.

"eric something…" liam tries to find his last name but is more consumed with the way zayn's eyes look twisted and angry. he feels protected and it's very strange to feel it from zayn.

"oh, that kid? fuck him, he's way more of a faggot than you," zayn laughs.

zayn rolls over on top of liam and presses kisses to the skin between his jaw and neck while he pulls up the back of liam's sweatshirt. liam cups zayn's cheeks in my hands and kisses at his bottom lip before zayn throw him over and pulls liam on top of himself. he moans against liam's lips when liam pulls his t-shirt off and his own sweatshirt off his head and they're warm bodies press together under the covers. liam thrives off the skin to skin contact and the more of it there is the better, so he wanders his fingers down zayn's stomach and starts to pulls off his pants. zayn sits up and goes to help him but liam throws him back down.

oh… _oh_ , zayn thinks. he's quite alright with this.

liam slides down zayn's body and lets his lips graze on his way until he's facing the band of zayn's boxers. and sure, liam seems quite innocent but the way he sucks cock says otherwise, and he puts everyone zayn's ever been with to shame. liam lets his breath fall on to zayn's skin while he pulls the band down further and further and goosebumps spread all down zayn's arms. zayn slowly pulls two pillows behind his head to prop his neck enough so he can watch. liam wiggles down a bit further and watches zayn's cock spring free from the boxers as he pulls them past his thighs. liam smirks and zayn tries to catch his breath. 

liam mostly likes to blow zayn because of how much he gives into liam for the ten minutes he's got his cock down his throat. it's perhaps the most appreciation he feels that he gets. 

zayn's breath turns into short pants and his eyes intently follow liam's every move. liam looks up at him through long eyelashes and his cock twitches.

 _tease_.

zayn goes to throw his head back out of frustration because liam is taking it _so_ slow, but is taken by surprise when he feels warm lips wrap around the tip and then down to the base of his cock. a moan escapes his mouth with out permission and his back bucks up and liam has a mouthful of him down his throat and zayn loves him so much-

purely because he's good at this. that's the only reason.

liam begins to bob his head up and down, letting the head slide against the roof of his mouth and then further down and the only sounds zayn can make are strained moans and his toes are curling and they both know he's close. liam brings his hand up to cover the part of zayn's cock that isn't already in his mouth and begins to pump at the shaft until zayn's exhaling a loud groan and tightening his grip on liam's brunette hair and cumming down his throat. liam loves it.

zayn can feel liam smiling over the sharp breaths zayn is letting out and he almost laughs a little himself except he's still riding out his orgasm. liam lets him and doesn't gag once because he's worked up quite the tolerance over the last month. zayn finally collapses and turns to a state where he's practically incoherent. zayn looks down at liam long enough to see him deliberately swallow with that innocent look in his eyes. the sight of it takes zayn breath away, and liam giggles while he wiggles under zayn's eyes.

"i'll get you back for that," zayn promises with a lazy smile.

"can't wait," liam shoots back, giggling.

and zayn does, and then liam leaves.  
~  
zayn walks out of the huge doors of the school and down the concrete steps along with a flood of other student and turns in the direction of the coffee shop, knowing he'd see liam waiting there.

he get's a text on the way that says "i'll be a little late today, i have to pick something up from a teacher"

he finally reaches the big intersection and sits at a park bench beside a book store with all the kids in the artsy fake hipster clique walking in the door while discussing shakespearean theory. a huddle of kids stomp down the street sporting matching attire adorned with their schools logo and they walk into the corner store. zayn scrolls through his phone and sips on an ice tea he found in his backpack when something clicks. he shoots up from the bench, shoves his ice tea in his backpack, and walks across the road to the corner store.

he waits outside the door leaning up against the glass. they all come out carrying energy drinks and protein bars and stupidly chuckling at an equal as stupid joke.

"eric," zayn calls for the kid leading the group of boys while he pushes himself off the glass and stands tall.

zayn's anger flares again and he feels it all the way to his fingertips.

"what?" eric mocks, stepping forward a bit but keeping in the crowd of his friends.

zayn throws his backpack against the building and steps forward, coming within just feet of eric. 

eric looks back at one at his friends and snickers, then looks back at zayn again.

zayn gets close to eric's face to be sure he can see the anger in his eyes. 

zayn clenches and unclenches his jaw and then says, "if you so much as lay a hand on liam," he snarls, "i will fucking end you."

zayn backs up a bit, regaining a contented look and waits patiently for a respond.

eric's composure falters for just a moment before he says, "oh yeah? i bet. i guess i'll just have to beat his faggot ass then, yeah?" and him and his friends laugh.

zayn snickers too, rolls up his sleeves to his elbows and shakes his head.

he looks up, "say it again," he says with a smirk. he's fantasizing about beating eric bloody.

he spreads his arms opening like a host on a game show and says loudly, "i guess i will just have to beat the shit out of liam faggot payne," he annunciates. his friends cheer.

that's enough for zayn.

within seconds zayn has wound up and executed a punch perfectly centered to eric's nose. there's a loud crack when his fist makes contact with with his face and zayn feels a wave of relief. eric falls back and brings hands up to his nose, and examines them to find them covered in blood. his friend's look equally as surprised and some of them even look scared. it takes every ounce of restraint that zayn has to keep him from throwing him to the ground and beating him unconscious, but he just stands and watches eric stare at him horrified until his friends pull him in the other direction to try to tend to the wound.

zayn pulls his backpack over his shoulders and leaves them with, "i fucking dare you," and turns on his heels to walk away.

zayn meets liam down the road after shaking his hand out for a solid five minutes. zayn's excited particularly for today because friday's are quite busy for them, however his not sure what he'll be able to do with his hands.

liam wants to ask zayn if he can top today for the first time but he's too nervous, so he asks instead while they walk why zayn's hand is swollen.

"oh, it got wedged between a door today, hurt like hell," zayn mutters. he considers telling the truth if only for a moment but decides he won't.

zayn pulls liam up to his room and it's a usual friday night, always better than the last.  
~  
liam sits at his desk and rubs fingers through his too long hair because he can't sleep. his heads busy and blank all at once and he's so upset.

he can't bring himself to understand why zayn won't love him no matter what he does. no matter how charming or selfless he tries to be zayn won't give him his heart and it's the hardest thing for him to comprehend.

"i need a fucking haircut," liam mumbles to himself.

he shoots up from his seat, frustrated with himself in every way imaginable. his parents are out tonight and would be staying at a friends a few hours away. liam burrows through a cabinet and pull out a bottle of vodka filled to the neck with clear liquid, then storms up to his room.

he wakes up to the sun peeking through the window onto his face and finds himself sprawled wide across his bed on top of the covers. he smells awful and his room is in shreds. the curtains are torn from the window and theres a hole a little bit bigger than a fist in his wall. he sits up in his bed while he tries to remember what happened last night but is cut off but a throbbing in the front of his head. he brings his hands up to shield his eyes from the raw sunlight. 

liam sits with his head between his hands and stares at the wood floor. he vaguely remember bits of last night, remembers how the alcohol fueled his anger and led to him destroying everything he could in a fit of rage. he remembers rolling in his bed crying, pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes to try to get the tears to stop but they wouldn't.  
~  
liam digs his phone out of his pocket and checks anxiously for any new messages. still none. he hasn't heard from zayn all week.

across town, zayn's staring at his phone too.

"hey want to come over," he types, but holds his thumb over the backspace button and throws his phone to the other side of the bed.

he thinks about maybe trying to fuck someone else.

liam can't take it anymore, and he feels so strongly that he needs to find out what's going on, but he's too afraid to text him and not get a reply. he shrugs a jacket over his shoulders and grabs his keys off the hook by the door.

"i'll be back later, mum, just going to a friend's for a bit."

zayn's pacing around his house and biting his nails to the bed. he can separate or organize any of his thoughts and he really wants to bury his sadness in liam's tight-

 _no,_ he thinks, _no more liam_.

liam pulls into the driveway and walks up to the porch as silently as he can't, and prepares himself before knocking on the door.

"fuck," zayn mumbles defeatedly, dropping his head on his pillow he grabs his phone and tentatively calls liam. a few moments later, he hears a ringtone outside his bedroom window.

then he hears liam say "h-hello?" and he dashes down the stairs and throws the front door open to see a slightly confused liam with a phone halfway to his face and he pulls him up into his arms. they twist their arms around each other and liam is happy to bury his head in zayn's neck and take him all in and for a moment liam is certain they're in love with each other.

as far as zayn is concerned, it only goes one way. liam can pretend.

zayn keeps his arms around liam and starts to pull them into the house, kicking the front door shut with his foot and he starts walking them towards the staircase. he sticks close to liam while he pulls him up to his room like countless other times but liam plants his feet on the third step from the top and doesn't move. zayn turns around and looks at him until he says something.

liam swallows, "i'm here to talk," he says quietly.

"so talk then," zayn says slowly, then he turns and walks into his room.

liam's left feeling stupid and then nervous for what's bound to ensue, but he talks a deep breath and goes into zayn's room anyway.

"so…" liam starts and then stops, and picks at the rug beneath him. he sits cross-legged a few feet away from zayn who's perched on the end of his bed.

"so, i just want to know how you feel about me," he stutters, barely above whispering.

"i think that you're a lot of fun," zayn says. liam's a little disappointed with this.

"what about outside of bed… how do you feel about me then?"

"well… i dunno," zayn shrugs, because he really doesn't know.

liam can tell he can't either and this upsets him. how could he not think about it after all this time?

zayn's quiet for a long time afterwards and he's not sure what there is to say anyway. liam waits and prays this will all turn around.

for a while no one speaks until liam grows desperate.

"just please tell me how you feel about me," he begs, "do you even like me at all?" and there's no falter in his voice this time, like he just really needs to know with every part of his mind and his soul, like it's ripping him apart.

"i mean, obviously i like you but just… not like that," zayn shrugs again.

liam stands up from the ground and gets in zayn's face.

"are you fucking kidding me? for fuck's sake, what do you think i am?" liam is raising his voice and zayn's glad he closed his windows, if anything. "i'm not some little fucking slut you can call when ever you wanna get off, you dipshit," and he's near the decibel of yelling. zayn's growing nervous because he's never heard liam swear more than once in an entire day. never seen him yell either. "well for your ignorant mind's benefit, how about i tell you that i am a human being with feelings. real feelings, zayn, ones that can get damaged if douchebags like you decide to come along and rip it all apart for their own personal pleasure. you said you can find someone else to fuck, zayn, but i can too. how does that make you feel?" he yells, no emotion providing a tone to his voice but anger, and zayn's a bit shaken up inside and feels like he might puke.

his brain creates images of liam get fucked by other guys, his mouth around someone else's cock, and it hits him like a fast train to the gut. he can't get the words out to explain that he wouldn't like it very much, because he knows he would stupidly follow it by, "but that's not because i love you, i'm just possessive, liam, don't get the wrong idea."

liam's shoulders drop and his stance recedes. he shakes his head and pinches the bridge of his nose. 

"bye, z," he says softly, before walking out of the house and leaving zayn's driveway and zayn, for the first time, is very aware of how empty he feels.  
~  
zayn sits on the couch stoned to a point of unmoving time and numbness and it's really great because he nearly forgets about liam while he's flipping back and forth through the same four channels.

liam comes through the door, absolutely inebriated, and makes his way into the living room, sliding his hand against the wall to keep himself from falling over.

zayn's in a state of slow reaction, so he just watches liam and wonders if he's going to come and watch cartoons and chill with him. 

"you," liam points at zayn, "have fucked me over one time too many."

liam walks over to zayn and pulls him off the couch, dragging him with such force up the stairs that zayn is too shocked to retaliate. it's an unusual change from the usual power balance between them but liam is so belligerent and filled with anger that he slams zayn down on the bed with little effort. 

"i'm going to teach you a lesson," he whispers over zayn's lips.

zayn doesn't taste liam, but instead strong alcohol and he feels that maybe his karma has found it's way back to him.

**Author's Note:**

> you can find me on tumblr at [niallvibes](http://niallvibes.tumblr.com) and let me know what you think and prompt me stuff ily


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